A Fate Worse Than Singleness

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. (Prov. 21:9)

It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. (Prov. 21:19)

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. (Prov. 25:24)

Obviously, these proverbs speak to the repeated importance of relationships. It’s always struck me as a little surprising that, despite the rising divorce rate and the fact that virtually everyone has either been burned by a toxic relationship or knows a close friend/family member who has, people keep getting married. A negative secularist view might say this is because we’re all stupid, or the oppressive power of religious taboo is so powerful it continues to exert the pressure to marry, or some such rot.

I rather think it’s because most people simply crave healthy relationships—even if we don’t know how to recognize them. Even if we’re the ones responsible for making relationships toxic, that doesn’t diminish our desire to have someone who will love, affirm, and accept us in spite of who we are.

Such a desperate longing for love can be inspiring, but without at least a modicum of cool rationality such desperation can lead to terribly tragic decisions. When I was younger and experiencing some of those consequences, a good friend told me, “You know, there are worse things in life than being single…like being married to the wrong person, for example.”

The watchword Proverbs would give us for today is: discretion. Look before you leap. If you think you love someone, take the time to be certain you’re loving with your mind as well as your heart. Contrary to popular belief, covenants (such as marriage) that are lightly entered into cannot be exited without serious long-term consequences. Remember, there are worse things than being single.

Jeremiah: Model Pastor or National Doormat?

Listen and pay attention!
Do not be arrogant, for the Lord has spoken.
Give glory to the Lord your God
before it is too late.
Acknowledge him before he brings darkness upon you,
causing you to stumble and fall on the darkening mountains.
For then, when you look for light,
you will find only terrible darkness and gloom.
And if you still refuse to listen,
I will weep alone because of your pride.
My eyes will overflow with tears,
because the Lord’s flock will be led away into exile.

-- Jeremiah 13:15-17

This passage is especially eye-catching to me in light of a discussion we had in Bible class regarding forgiveness. After announcing in rather dramatic fashion the corruption that was rampant in Judah (i.e., the famous linen loincloth prophecy) Jeremiah goes on to announce God's judgement upon the nation. Notice this is the same nation that in the previous chapter contained considerable elements scheming against Jeremiah. (see Jer. 12:6)

Despite all of this, I'm struck that Jeremiah pledges that if Judah continues to ignore his message from God, the prophet will "weep alone because of your pride. My eyes will overflow with tears." (Jer. 13:17)

In all honesty, I'm still not where Jeremiah is. I'd like to be...I have ambitions of being so...but justice is awfully important to me. I think the wicked ought to be punished...and yes, I contend that there is a major difference between sinners and "the wicked". It seems to me that Scripture even reflects such a dichotomy at times. I'm thinking of writing a longer post in the future (TBD) on the doctrine of forgiveness that seems to be gaining popularity in the American church today.

In anticipation of that, I ask that you begin thinking through what the word "forgiveness" really means. What are its implications? How is life different in a climate of authentic forgiveness?

Do I Want There to be a Balm in Gilead?

I hurt with the hurt of my people. I mourn and am overcome with grief. Is there no medicine in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why is there no healing for the wounds of my people?

If only my head were a pool of water and my eyes a fountain of tears, I would weep day and night for all my people who have been slaughtered. Oh, that I could go away and forget my people and live in a travelers’ shack in the desert. For they are all adulterers—a pack of treacherous liars. -- Jeremiah 8:21-9:2

This oracle reflects one of the qualities of Jeremiah that most impresses, and shames, me. Somehow, he was able to face and boldly state the ugly truth about his people (i.e., "They're all liars.") without losing his ability to love them. These were not people who were particularly kind to Jeremiah. He was ignored, imprisoned, and left for dead by them. Yet he was still able to weep for them. Despite his own confessed desire to be able to just abandon them to their fate and not care (9:2) Jeremiah had been so touched, so imprinted with the character of his God, that it was impossible for him to stop loving his people. Indeed, Jeremiah's capacity for compassion on the seemingly unforgivable has earned him the nickname "The Weeping Prophet."

I wish to be more like Jeremiah. Usually, when people reject my advice or instruction, I want to see them fail. I want to see them hurt. I want to see them punished. The fact of the matter, is that I'm often far more like Jonah than I am like Jeremiah.

Did You Know?
The classic hymn, There is a Balm in Gilead was inspired by Jeremiah's anguished cry in 8:22, "Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why is there no healing for the wounds of my people?"

The hymn answers Jeremiah with the promise that Christ is that long-awaited balm who can soften the hardest heart, bring the dead to life again, and heal the deepest scars of sin.

January 7, 2009 (Matthew 13:24-25)

If the truth be told, I suspect that most of us join the church not primarily to be in fellowship with God; but to be in fellowship with people who we trust will love us, nurture us, and forgive us. It comes as a tremendous disappointment, then, when we first realize that the church is not all good, and that the Kingdom values do not always hold sway among those who name the name of Christ. When this happens, two reactions usually follow.

First, we become angry at the church…and not just at the people who may have hurt us. We get angry at everyone else for allowing them to hurt us—As if the entire congregation always knew 100% about what everyone else was doing and they had all placed their “stamp of approval” upon whatever we’re upset about.

Second, after our ire is good and riled up against God’s people, we turn it on Him as well. After all, if we can justify being mad at everyone in the church for the injustices they have allowed, then it only stands to reason that God (Who is the all-knowing head of the church) is to blame as well.

It is precisely at such times, that we need to be reminded of the Parable of the Wheat and the Weeds. Jesus tells the story of a farmer who sows his field. But during the night an enemy comes and sows weeds among the field, and no one realizes it until the plants have started to sprout. When they realize what has happened, the farm hands react in the same way I often do. They are angry…incensed…they want justice and they want it NOW! They ask the farmer, “Should we pull out the weeds?” (13:28) To their surprise, the farmer says “No. You’ll uproot the wheat if you do. Let both grow together until the harvest. Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds, tie them into bundles, and burn them, and to put the wheat in the barn.” (13:29-30)

We must learn that God’s patience and forbearance is not a sign that He doesn’t care about us, or about the evil that may well be present in His field. Rather, He is patient precisely because He cares so much. To unleash His judgment before the right time, could well destroy wheat along with the weeds; And God has made the decision that it is better to let a few weeds grow than to risk destroying a single stalk of wheat. So the next time you find yourself frustrated by the weeds among you, rather than focusing upon uprooting them, look for little wheat stalks nearby who are struggling just as much as you are. Nurture them. Love them. Water them. And most of all, make sure you do your part to get them as much “Son light” as possible.

-- Justin

For the Kids: Wheat and Weeds coloring sheet