A Fate Worse Than Singleness

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. (Prov. 21:9)

It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. (Prov. 21:19)

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. (Prov. 25:24)

Obviously, these proverbs speak to the repeated importance of relationships. It’s always struck me as a little surprising that, despite the rising divorce rate and the fact that virtually everyone has either been burned by a toxic relationship or knows a close friend/family member who has, people keep getting married. A negative secularist view might say this is because we’re all stupid, or the oppressive power of religious taboo is so powerful it continues to exert the pressure to marry, or some such rot.

I rather think it’s because most people simply crave healthy relationships—even if we don’t know how to recognize them. Even if we’re the ones responsible for making relationships toxic, that doesn’t diminish our desire to have someone who will love, affirm, and accept us in spite of who we are.

Such a desperate longing for love can be inspiring, but without at least a modicum of cool rationality such desperation can lead to terribly tragic decisions. When I was younger and experiencing some of those consequences, a good friend told me, “You know, there are worse things in life than being single…like being married to the wrong person, for example.”

The watchword Proverbs would give us for today is: discretion. Look before you leap. If you think you love someone, take the time to be certain you’re loving with your mind as well as your heart. Contrary to popular belief, covenants (such as marriage) that are lightly entered into cannot be exited without serious long-term consequences. Remember, there are worse things than being single.